Well, we are off on a road trip. We haven’t been on a road trip, a real family vacation since the kids were mere wisps. Certainly not since they became (arguably) civilized human beings. The last time we went anywhere in the car, they were both in diapers (fewer “rest” stops) and Jack was still small enough that when he squawked, all I had to do was climb in the back seat and hang a boob over him as we drove, so he could gorge himself at the trough of Mom, poop, and settle in for a nice long nap. This time, we are driving to Minneapolis, with a five year old and a seven year old. Eight hours. In. The. Car.
Several people I have told have managed to suppress the “Are you insane?” and have just asked “Do you have a portable DVD player?”. My answer to them is well… sort of.
We have more paraphernalia than when they were babies. Gone are the bottles and diapers, here are the Game Boys, Leap Pad, CD player and, the Pocket PC. This is a sort of large Palm Pilot, and apparently it will play movies on its 4″ screen. Which, I am sure, will never be in dispute. No, my angel children won’t fight over who holds it, towards whom it is tilted more, or how loud it is. They will share it peacefully, and it will not crash, and they will be pleasant and well-behaved and we will barely hear from them the whole time. No one will have to pee 150 miles from the nearest rest stop, no one will get carsick, no one will be bored or ask how much longer. There will be no flat tires or issues at the border. We will have a wonderful time.
If we have internet in the hotel and I can get my hands on the Pocket PC (somehow that sounds a little rude, doesn’t it?), I will try to post an update or two about our adventures in that symbol of over-the-top American capitalist commercialism, The Mall Of America (also known as The American Dream). Otherwise, I will save all my stories for weeks and weeks of blog material when we get back. After another uneventful eight hour road trip.
Are we there yet?