Sorry for the absence – the weekend got in the way. I have a couple of days to catch up on.

Friday, the thing I learned was the name for the flabby wattles under the arms of most women over the age of 15. You know what I’m talking about – the flesh that wobbles uncontrollably whenever you wave at someone. Well, apparently it’s called a Hi Helen, as in “I’m going to the gym – I’ve gotta get rid of my Hi Helens”. It seems it comes from ladies who eave at each other over the garden fence, with blatant disregard for the resulting shockwave.

Hey, maybe Hi Helens are why the Queen has such a prissy, half-assed little wave. Maybe she’s just afraid the vibrations from her Hi Helens will shake her right off her seat. There, I just learned something else. The Queen and I have something in common.

I wonder what those pockets of padding where the top of my leg meets my bum are called. I’ve heard them referred to as saddlebags, but that is even less flattering than Hi Helens and I am compelled to come up with something better. I’ll keep you posted.

Just for reference, the little bulge under one’s belly button is called the “lovin'”, and the bulge that folds over the top of your low-rise jeans is called the “muffin top”. And just so you know – muffin top is not good. If you have it, your pants don’t fit right. Muffin top is the reason that very few people should ever wear low-rise pants. It’s in the same category as visible butt crack.

I must have taken a break from learning things this weekend because I can’t come up with anything else right now. But since I’m on holidays, I am committed to continuing to learn something every day. I make no promises that it will be useful knowledge I gain, but it will be knowledge…


About therapeuticrambling

I am a wife, a mom, a nurse, a writer. I enjoy laughing.
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One Response to Wattle

  1. rey-dar says:

    oh great… now i'm running to the mirror to look for (or "acknowledge") wattles, hi helens, lovins & muffin tops. great… i change my mind, i don't miss you.*grin*

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