Top 10 reasons I did not finish the half marathon in less than two hours:

10. I have no testosterone. Which is great if you are a girl who doesn’t enjoy shaving; not so good if you need internal inspiration. I don’t really care if I beat Dancin’ Gabe – don’t try to use that to “motivate” me.
9. Blisters. My shoes suck.
8. I was saving all my luck to win the 50-50 at Jack’s hockey game.
7. I blew my glycogen wad on the first 4 9-minute miles.
6. I decided not to quit at the half way mark.
5. I haven’t gotten that hip replaced yet.
4. Pain might be temporary, but it sure sucks while it’s happening.
3. My audiobook wasn’t quite finished.
2. The wagon – God is telling me it’s not worth it.
1. It’s thirteen friggin’ miles!

Top 10 reasons I don’t (ok, shouldn’t) care about my time:

10. I did not quit.
9. I beat the chubby guy who runs on his toes.
8. I still burned 1300 calories and am entitled to eat buckets of chips and drink buckets of beer.
7. I ran 13.1 miles!
6. I can still walk (barely)
5. I beat the chick in the lulu lemon outfit. Sorry, but a real runner doesn’t wear overpriced yoga wear to a race.
4. I was not the person who collapsed at the finish and had to have the medics come and revive her (mmm…. paramedics).
3. I was not last.
2. I probably hurt less than the guy who finished first.
1. It’s thirteen friggin’ miles!


About therapeuticrambling

I am a wife, a mom, a nurse, a writer. I enjoy laughing.
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